


Our Secrets we Keep

by Koehler



Series: Full Length Hamilton x Reader Fics [7]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Break Up, Hamiltime, Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 05:23:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9108337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koehler/pseuds/Koehler
Summary: Peggy shouldn't be feeling this way about her best friend...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in Hamiltime.

Peggy groaned at the sound of her door knocker thudding against the wall of her house. _Who needed her at 12:17 am?_ She slipped on a warmer sweater over her nightdress and headed down the staircase and towards the front door. The cold floor sent shivers up her legs and the moon provided a small cast of light that fell on her doorstep, allowing her to see the silhouette on a familiar young woman. Peggy slid the lock open and pulled the door. “Y/N? Are you okay?”

The girl with dirty blonde hair looked up at Margarita, her dark hair looking even darker with the lack of sunlight. “Peggy!” She found it strange that Y/N sounded shocked and relieved to see her, even though she was at her house. Y/N’s surprised face suddenly turned to a look of nervousness and Peggy noticed that her eyes were red and had bags under them. “Uh, Peggs? I’m so sorry to do this to you… Can you help me?”

Peggy rushed down the stone steps, concern clear on her face. “Absolutely, anything.” _Darn it, did ‘anything’ sound too desperate?_ Y/N looked worn down, shivering from the chill and too awake for this time of night. “I hate to press this on you, but can I stay with you for a bit?” Peggy looked questioningly at her for a moment before she agreed. She would do anything for her. “Matthew and I split up.” At the answer to the unspoken question, Peggy ushered inside to the living room and sat her down on the couch.

Matthew had been Y/N’s long term courtier, and Peggy couldn’t say in good conscience that she completely approved of the boy. He hadn’t done anything wrong, exactly. Peggy just never could find it in her heart to accept their relationship. He was a sweet boy, but he didn’t respect or love Y/N in the way that she deserved. Y/N deserved all the adoration in the world, and Peggy was more than willing to give it to her. Margarita mentally scolded herself for her thoughts. _“Man and wife”._ That’s how it was. No matter what her heart told her.

She and Y/N had been friends for as long as she could remember, their fathers were good friends and business partners, and the girls of the same age were destined for friendship since the beginning. Y/N got along fine with all of the Schuyler family, but she always favored Peggy. She was the first person that put Peggy first, that shared a bond with her and her alone. She was her best friend.

Suddenly, Y/N leaned sideways and chose to lay down on the couch. She finally let a few tears slide, causing her to scrunch them closed. “I don’t even know why I’m crying. I don’t feel that sad.” Her eyes were more confusion than sadness, but that didn’t stop the tears. Peggy sat down and lifted Y/N’s head into her lap, running her fingers through the splayed out hair. Her thumb delicately wiped a tear from Y/N’s cheek as she spoke.

“When we cling to someone that we want to be the right person, it hurts when we to tear ourselves away, even if we weren’t hanging on that tightly.”

There was a breath of silence in the room. Peggy’s face seemed to wrinkle in concentration before she spoke again, her words hitting a chord and clearly coming out of somewhere from experience.

“When you find someone that is a perfect fit, even if you don’t realize it, it will be amazing. They’ll cherish every part of you, even when you don’t need it. They’ll comfort you, even when they can’t stop your pain. They’ll believe in all of you. They’ll trust you, and they’ll love you. You just have to let them.”

Y/N looked at her friend, seeing that her mind was far away. She watched curiously for a moment, trying to take in one of the few times she had seen Peggy truly allowing herself to be lost. Her hands had stilled in Y/N’s hair, and she seemed at peace. Y/N let her go for a bit, wondering where she was.

“Peggs? Are you here?”

The Schuyler sister snapped out of her thoughts, looking at Y/N a little guiltily. She rushed to stand up, dusting off her nightdress and not making eye contact out of fear that she would give herself away. Y/N suddenly felt bad for her timing. Peggy didn’t seem to mind.Y/N felt her eyelids drooping, heavy and exhausted from crying. Peggy smiled a little bit at her as she reached out a drowsy arm towards her.

“Sleep.”

“I have a spare room upstairs that-”

“Nooo… Sleep. Now.” She somehow got a hold of Margarita’s hand and dragged her over so that she was lying down next to her on the couch. Peggy’s useless protests died on her lips as she felt Y/N’s steady breath fanning across her neck. Both women drifted asleep quickly, soaking up the true comfort.

* * *

Y/N had to practically drag Peggy out the door and out to the street. Despite the fact that her relationship just ended, it had been on good terms and what they both had wanted in the end. Would she ever be good friends with Matthew? Probably not, but they were certainly agreeing that a relationship did not work. Surely her parents wouldn’t be happy at the “unhappily ever after” ending the relationship had come to, but she was, and that’s what mattered.

Plus, she had Peggs, the one person that had always been there. Even when she started crying in the middle of her solo and ran out of the room. Right now, all she wanted to do was walk the streets with her best friend and reminisce. She wanted to pass the hat shop where they tried on all the funniest hats and had a competition of who could make the other laugh more. She wanted to pass the tea shop where she bought Peggy tea for the holidays, only for Peggy to find it horrendous, accidentally spitting it on Y/N. (Y/N did try it. It truly was terrible tea)

She wanted to exist walking next to Peggy. Whether it be in comfortable silence or in deep conversation, she didn’t care.

So when Margarita finally came back downstairs dressed and ready for the day, Y/N couldn’t contain her smile. Every time she saw her, it was as if she was seeing her through all the happy memories. All the times they simply talked, all the times they smiled together, all the times they chatted at important balls.

The secret wishes they both silently harbored for the acceptance of their feelings. Then the reality that they couldn’t. They were merely women in a man’s world.

* * *

By the time they headed out, Peggy had made up her mind to try to forget last night. If Y/N wouldn’t bring up sleeping next to her, she certainly wouldn’t. She couldn’t take the heartbreak at the thought that it may be the only time Y/N would hold her like that. Like they belonged in each other’s arms.

About twenty minutes into their walk, the rain began. Luckily, they were walking by a shop where Peggy happened to know the tailor. She claimed it was an “old friend”, but that didn’t stop Y/N’s stomach from twisting when the man gave Peggy a wide smile.

“Is that the one and only Peggy Schuyler I see? What would bring such a wonderful woman to my humble shop, and with beautiful company, nonetheless?”

Peggy giggled at his comment, bowing playfully and playing along with his greeting. She looked back at Y/N, who has stayed back a bit to allow them space. “This is Hercules Mulligan. Don’t have sex with him.”

Hercules threw his hands up in the air, more out of acting upset than actual frustration. “But Peggy! Why is your cute friend off limits? I’m a very generous-”

“Don’t you finish that. You aren’t getting to my best friend. This is Y/N.”

Y/N waved awkwardly, not exactly knowing where to go from here. Thankfully Hercules seemed to pick up on this and walked up to her, kissing the back of her hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Y/N. I promise that I’m not as creepy as I seem. It’s just fun to tease her. Although, if you-”

“Hercules!” Peggy scolded, “Leave the poor girl alone!”

He just chuckled and looked at Peggy teasingly, clearly amused that he was getting this much of a reaction from her.

“Aww, she wouldn’t happen to be **the** friend, would she? The one that you’ve known your entire life? The one that just leaves you breathless and makes your heart-”

“Herc, please!” Peggy’s face was scarlet, and she seemed to be desperate for him to stop talking. She mumbled a small “I never should’ve told you about that…” in his direction before staring at the floor, suddenly seeming vulnerable and scared.

Mulligan saw that he had found the truth, suddenly feeling rather shitty about his actions. To say that the scene was a bit awkward wouldn’t really scratch the surface of it. Y/N didn’t really comprehend what was happening, and she didn’t exactly want to. All that mattered to her was the embarrassed Schuyler sister running out the back door and into the alley.

Swearing under her breath, Y/N jogged after her, reassuring Hercules that she had this one. She was standing in the middle of the empty space behind the store, not caring that the fabric of her dress would be ruined by the rain. Y/N barely made out the tears on her cheeks from the water coming down around them.

“Peggy, I-”

“You can leave now.”

Y/N blinked in shock. “Peggy, I’m not going to leave-”

“Go and run. Run away from the little annoying sister that’s never going to be anything, that can’t control her emotions, that isn’t a real woman. Is this what you want? A ticket to see the girl that can’t stop herself from loving her best friend?”

Her voice had built up, all of her frustrations boiling over as tears streamed down her face, her eyes staring at Y/N’s, who currently didn’t believing what she was seeing nor hearing. Getting no reaction, Margarita finally felt the full rejection that she had been dreading.

_Of course she doesn’t love you. She’s a woman, and she would never love someone like you. Nobody else does so why should she be any different?_ She began trudging back home, the weather no longer a bother because it matched her mood.

A series of splashes ran behind Peggy, grabbing her forearm and turning her around. Y/N looked as if she was going to say something, but instead wrapped her arms around her, swaying softly as if they were dancing. Her hands on Peggy’s back and waist felt like they were on fire, but soothed the burns that left as well.

“Close your eyes” Y/N softly commanded “Do you remember the last ball before the war started? When we were younger?” She felt a wet face press into her shoulder and neck, silently affirming her question.

“You wore your grey dress, a color that, need I mention, was written off as ‘not ladylike’ by your mother. As soon as you walked in with your sisters, you were the only one in the room. Always invisible, like a beautiful jewel that only I could see.

“There was those two young men, the only ones that caught us hiding in the corner from the dreadful pressure of society. They asked us to dance, and I remember squeezing your hand before agreeing. My god, I watched you the entire time. Every time the young man spun me and I couldn’t see you I closed my eyes, indulging myself into believing that I was dancing with you.

“I’ll be damned if I don’t get my dance with you, Peggs, I just don’t think I could take it.”

By now the Peggy was practically clinging to her, but Y/N continued on.

“I know that this can’t be forever, that people won’t let us be happy, but I so desperately want you to be, Peggs. I want to make you happy, to be yours completely. Let me have right now. Before I have to watch you marry some man and make your own family. Let me be yours for today.”

“Why can’t it be forever?”

“Peggy, we both know that your parents, your siblings, the world won’t allow-”

“I still want to be here, I want to be yours, and you mine. I want to be happy. Please, Y/N, let us be happy.”

“But-”

“Nobody needs to know…”


End file.
